31.07.25
I love her. I know that. I am sure of that. But am I in love with her? The other day I got that question and I answered that I didn't even know what that could mean. I know I love her and that my love is not the kind of love you feel for a sibling or a very close friend. I love her romantically. I love everything about her. I know that she is the love of my life. But am I in love with her? When I said that I didn't even know what that meant, I immediately thought about what I don't know about her, what I've never really experienced in relation to her... and relatedly, what she doesn't know about me and what she's never really experienced in relation to me. I want to say that at this point of my life I think that to be in love with somebody involves not only the deep, almost transcendental feelings; it also involves the day-to-day trivialities, the sharing of spaces and places, seeing how the loved one behaves in different contexts. Seeing them while they talk to their friends, eat something, leave a building, take the bus, etc., and thinking "god, I am in love". I do love here. I deeply love her. But there is so much that is beyond my reach (it as always been) that I don't know what it would properly mean, at this point, to say that I am in love with her. And still... a part of me yells "Yes! You are in love with her".